I have grown up in a very consumerist mindset; if I pay for something then I expect to gain something in return for that, this has always been subtly engrained as an expectation for everything else in my life, in particular my relations with people. When I gave, I always expected something back in return, perhaps not immediately or on the same magnitude but it would be a mutual benefiting rapport of some sort.
I wasn’t exactly disappointed but if they did not reciprocate that rapport then I always felt as if it was perhaps a bit frustrating or I didn’t quite understand why people didn’t give that same contribution or effort back in return. With that kind of background emotion unexpressed, I began taking it a bit personal with things sometimes and limited my contact and ‘openness’ with people. I only began giving more time and dedication to people that provided that rapport and began building on those foundations; which now I realise, suffocated a lot of my opportunities to have more peers and a better social network around myself. It was a very self indulging perspective on how to approach relationships with people.
So… perspective and attitude flip.
I’m no saint, nor am I close but I really just try to provide value and effort for people that I may not particularly even know because that’s how you begin building foundations and contacts with people that could potentially be something significant for your personal or professional life.
You’re probably wondering how I can just flip my mindset from being quite prude about this to being very open and free giving but you should honestly consider this as well and I’ll give you exactly the reasons why.
1. If you want more people to provide value back and be able to provide something of importance for you, then limiting the amount of people you’re providing value for is counter-intuitive. The more you give to more people, the higher the chance you can gain something back because there is a significantly more amount of people that could provide a return.
- If you begin to extinguish that self-indulging idea of expecting something back, when you actually do receive some rapport (no matter how significant), you begin to appreciate it a lot more than constantly being hungry to take and gain from people you give to.
3. Building this idea of giving, you’ll get to see so much gratefulness and appreciation from people you perhaps don’t ever expect to see and it’s a great feeling to be able to just positively influence someone in some way, believe me.
4. It’s just nice to be nice. There is no negative circumstance to giving and helping people, the world needs to start giving more than it takes.
So, let’s stop being so selfish. Loosen up and start giving some authentic and genuine value.