Dealing with grief is a very personal and difficult thing in all kinds of different ways for people but we eventually have to learn our own way to deal and live with it.
I have been in those shoes and also had to experience it through seeing many of my friends go through grievance on all kinds of levels; family, friends, pets, idols etc.
Loss is something that is significant to people in their own way and it’s a very difficult thing to comfort because in the moment of the loss, all that matters is that you’ve lost something you’ll never get back; no matter how many times people say to you ‘’I’m sorry for your loss’’, ‘’I’m here for you’’ etc. Although having reinforcement from your social sphere to encourage you and provide support does help, it simply cannot replace or fill that void that has been carved.
I want this post to be an acknowledgement that I completely understand and taking your own time to sort through your grievance is perfectly acceptable; grieve in the way you feel is right for you but do so respectfully to others and take your time. But, I do want to emphasise that after you’ve had your period of grieving in the appropriate way for yourself, not to forget that you have to pick yourself back up, do not stay in grievance mode.
The world does not stop spinning even though your life and immediate environment may. Unfortunately, that is the harsh reality and something you have to come to terms with. Using the grievance as an excuse to stay in reaction zone of your loss won’t help; you won’t get better mentally nor will you bring back what you have lost. I’m sorry if this comes across harsh but it’s true and something I have had to understand and learn the hard way, I hope coming across this post will give you some preparation for readjusting and living with your own loss.
You have to understand that if you really want to continue living without slipping into a very distraught place that you have to try and encourage yourself to slowly incorporate a more positive and appreciative mindset; what you’ve lost is exhausting, stressful, upsetting and most of all painful. But please do remember that you are not the only one suffering; share with those that relate and pick each other up, appreciate the time you still have and learn not to take for granted what and who surrounds you because you will continue to regret it each time you suffer loss.
You still have a chance to enjoy, live and celebrate the fact you had the time you had with whoever or whatever you lost; make sure you are loud about it and really appreciate it. Apply this to the things you still have in your life because you can now appreciate that everything isn’t permanent; speak to those people you’ve always wanted to have conversations, appreciate the ones there for you through thick and thin, take that holiday with your friends or family that you’ve always been talking about… don’t let the remainder of your time alive be a container for regrets.
I hope this finds those that may need it the most.